My Spring Break 2016

My Spring break wasn't that eventful. I pretty much relaxed the entire time, spent about 80% of my time in my bed. Ya' know, staying up until 4am playing video games, and staying in bed until 5pm trying to bring yourself to get out of bed. That sort of thing. So that was nice, no needs to wake up for anything. But I did go to this party one night, and that was pretty cool, a lot of stuff happened. I got to watch some people do a "Bro Scrap". A "Bro Scrap" is basically a fight for fun, full contact, no hard feelings, and you are still friends at the end of it. But other than that, it was exactly how I described it. Probably gained some undesirable weight that I am going to have to work off in the coming days and replace with the more desirable weight. But my spring break was pretty calm. I didn't go on any neat adventures or car rides, just pure Zen and Relaxation. Doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to. Also taught my dog some new tricks, but that is about it. 

Satire Article

WHALE GROWS ARMS AND MOVES TO LAND

This just in, a whale seemed to get bored of living in the ocean, and moves onto land. Here we have an all exclusive image of this said whale with arms (Balaenoptera Armulus) taken by one of our photographers as it was emerging from the deep blue.

The whale appears to be red because of the setting of the sun. But the arms appear to be much like that of the Western Lowland Gorilla. It appears to move much like one too, except the fact that it drags its tail, much like a seal, as you may be able to envision from the tracks we received as a photograph from the same area. 

The middle piece you can see is a constant trail, which we believe to be the tail fins, and the ones on the side appear to be the newly grown Gorilla fists dragging the body. Scientists were baffled by thsi discovery, but emphasize that it is just evolution in the process. Here we have an artists rendering of what it might look like underwater.

It is said that it would use its arms just as a human would underwater, effectively making it a stronger swimmer, despite the lack of fins to assist in balance and speed swimming. As said before, this is said to be a stage in a naturally occurring evolutionary process. Scientists now believe that due to this evolution of the Balaenoptera Armulus, it may evolve into a subspecies of a much larger human, possibly like giants. But this is just a theory. Keep it right here, on my blog for everything on the Whale with Arms. 

I will be reviewing this Satire Article

Ben Carson Slowly Floats away from Earth

This article actually seems like it could be true because of the persuasive text used in the article. Obviously, it isn't true for a few reasons, one because, humans simply cannot float through the air as if we are made of air. Secondly, anybody who floats through the air, would not treat it as if it happens all the time. If it were to happen all the time, I am sure it would come as a surprise to anybody there. Because he would probably be trying to keep it as a secret. And people only being surprised, Mankind is such a weak species, and many people would probably be screaming, thinking he was getting abducted by aliens or something.  But like I said, the article is pretty believable because of the style used in the text. The professionalism of the article is also something to take into account when thinking about this article being true. I could easily see my 9 year old, gullible self believing this if I had read it on the right occasion. But, it is just simply impossible for a human to just float skyward with next to no resistance from gravity. 

Article Link

Caleb's Misadventures: Through Teleportation!

When reading, you read from right to left, just like a normal book. Now, without further ado, here is Caleb's, and my comic strip.

Flash Story: My Weird Dream

Zack Nordell

My Weird Dream

For my flash story, I decided I am going to write about what I believe to be one of my more screwed up dreams I had while sleeping.  Enjoy….

My dream started off with me getting dropped off into what looked like the entrance to the Abbotsford flea market. I walk in, and all of a sudden, the entire road became dirt, and there were these children jumping off of a bridge into water to the left. So, me having experience of jumping off of bridges into water, I decided to join them. So I go to them after changing into swimming gear. I ask the leader of the bunch who looked a lot like Chunk from the movie called “The Goonies”

I asked him if there is a certain area I need to jump so I don’t hurt myself. He point to the close-left corner of the small body of water and said “You need to jump there, that way you don’t land in the piles of dirty needles, razors, and thorn bushes.” And I promptly replied with “ARE YOU GUYS CRAZY?” and then another child who looked like Cole Sprouse from “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody” replied with “CRAZY FUN”

Then he said, “don’t be a wimp!” And I wasn’t about to let my pride be hurt like that, so of course, I jumped. I landed in the right spot, but as I submerged under the water, I opened my eyes to see that the water was absolutely FILLED with dirty needles, razors, and some thorn bushes with some wilted roses on them. I rose up and said “You guys weren’t kidding about this whole thing being filled with needles and what not!” And then the guy that looked like Chunk said, “Well what did you expect? This is a Biohazard waste dump after all!” And then I just said “Oooooh!” (I have no clue why I didn’t get mad like I did the first time they told me about the needles” Then I asked how to get out, then he just pointed to the other end, and said “You just gotta swim through everything, man!” And so I did. The thing is, on my way out, I happened to swim through a bunch of needles and when I got out of the water, one needle was sticking out of my leg, and it looked like stimpak from the Fallout Series. I just removed it and started walking along the piping on the side of the body of water. I noticed a snake coming our way, and it had to be at least 30 feet long. But it looked like a boa constrictor so I got confused on the length, but still warned the others of the dangerous situation. They proceeded to run away and lock me in the area with the snake in it, in an attempt to keep the snake away from everybody else. The snake started coming after me, but I was able to put my parkour skills to the test and get out by climbing and jumping over various walls. I started running away and noticed the snake was hot on my trail, so I ran into the nearest structure which was the lower level of the willowbrook mall. I ran through the mall to get to my mom’s vehicle, and she told me to go back in to find my siblings. So I find 2 out of the 3 that I needed to find, and as I was looking for the third, I find this HUGE theater, and in that theater was my friend Liam, with a Sloppy Joe in one hand, and a Polish Dog in the other with his mouth full of food. He swallowed his food and said to me “You want a Sloppy Joe or a Polish Dog?” And I thought to myself “Well I do have to look for my brother Hunter, but I do like Sloppy Joes more than Hunter…” Then I decided to stay and eat a Sloppy Joe. Me and Liam decided to play some Super Smash Brothers for the Wii U as we ate,  and I asked him why he is the only one in the Theater. He replied with “Because my Dad owns the Mall and we live in it.” And I turn around to see his dad in the projector room searching up a movie to watch. And his dad looks like this guy named Dan Avidan.

And then I see his dog which is just a 90lb Beagle with heart problems. And I start to leave because I don’t want my mom to get worried, but as I leave, these goth looking people come in with the snake following them. I run back and sit in the theater beside Liam to see if they won’t notice me, but they sit down right behind us. They start to talk to me and try to convince me the snake is actually really friendly, and just wants somebody to give him a high five. But people keep running away from fear the snake will kill them because the snake can’t tell them otherwise because snakes can’t talk. The snake then nods as if to agree with him. So I reach out to give the snake a high five, and he gave me a high five. Then All of a sudden, hundreds of people came into the room congratulating me for high fiving the snake, and we all played Super Smash Bros for the Wii U for hours on end.

The, End. I hoped you had a laugh or two.